One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

One nite a man was relaxin watchin tv when out of the kitchen comes his wife with a pan –BOOF!!!–”a who name shiela? Mi jus see one paper inna u pocket wid di name shiela pon it, who she? The man rubbin his headback said “me and Richie did dung a di track today and dat is di name of the horse weh we bet pan, a wah do yuh?!!” So the wife apologized, kissed his headback and went back to her chores. 15 mins later the wife storms out the kitchen again –BOOF!! BAM!!– “a wah do yuh??” Shouted the husband, the wife shouts back “yuh horse deh pon di fone!!!”

A Policeman was directing traffic, a madman ask him “wat time u ave?” The police run him. The madman keep comin back so the Police get fedup and say “a 2:30″. The madman say “wen a 3 O’clock cum suck out mi Batty”,the Police get vex and start run him down, the madman lost him round a corner. The police saw Mr Chin and ask if him see a madman. Mr chin ask “wa u a run him down for?”. The police say “him tell me fi cum suck out him batty at 3pm”.

A Yardman is in bed with his wife. Her phone rings at 3am, Yardman ans it & then angrily replies “y di rass u don’t f@*k off & ring d weather office, u damn ass, wife asks “who dat so early in di mornin?” He says “sum ediat a ask if di coast clear.”

One day Old Road in Antigua was flooded out due to heavy rainfall.  People from there had to leave work early to go home. A young man eagerly rushed home to be with his  beautiful wife. As he pulled up on his driveway, he braved the thunderous rain and darted into his house.To his dismay, his wife’s ‘horner-man’ ran outside to get away. The husband walked up to his wife and ‘buss two slap in she ass .’Crying enough to fill a bucket she said, ‘What yah slap meh fa?’She continued…’Dat is de man who buy dem shoes on yah foot.”Dat is de man who doz help me pay de bills.”Dat is de man who pay down on de car you drivin.’Totally enraged the husband replied,’Dat is exactly why ah frigging slap you… you have de man running out in de rain?”Suppose he catch cold an dead, a wha ar we go do den?’  ‘You stupid or what?”Call him back!!!’

this one was mad funny

Clovis Cartoon – Beenie & Bounty Take To The Seas

No, we just can’t get enough of these hilarious Clovis cartoons that spoof the ongoing United States visa saga facing some Jamaican artistes. The Clovis cartoon below was featured in today’s Jamaica Observer newspaper, and shows popular dancehall deejays Beenie Man and Bounty Killer (whose U.S. visas were revoked recently) on a raft (Haitian refugees are on a nearby raft), supposedly trying to make it to America.

Dancehall.Mobi

Silent Burglar

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

Always by My Side

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said: “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

“What dear?” She asked gently.

“I think you bring me bad luck.”

Contribution to the War on Terror

It was announced today that Jamaica is now prepared to help the US in its war against terrorism. They have promised to commit 2 of their largest battleships, 6000 armed troops and 60 fighter jets.

However, after the exchange rate, that comes down to a canoe, two yardie and a john crow.

Jamaican in the Hotel

A Jamaican and his wife were travelling by car from Key West to Boston.  After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and they decided to stop for a rest.  They stopped at a nice hotel and took a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The Jamaican explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.  He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth  $350.  When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the Jamaican insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Jamaican, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the Jamaican and wife to use.

“But we didn’t use them”, the Jamaican complains.  “Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the Manager.

The Manager goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.  “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.  “But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” complains the Jamaican again.

“Well, we have them, and you could have”, the Manager replies.  “No matter what facility, the Manager mentions, The Jamaican replies, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Jamaican gives up and agrees to pay.  He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque.  “But sir,” he says, “this cheque is only made out for $100.”

“That’s right,” says the Jamaican.  “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.”

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well,” the Jamaican replies, “she was here, and you could have!!.”
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

I was online and i came across these jokes… I just had to laugh, so todays theme is about Usain Bolt, suprisingly today is his birthday bash… Big Up USAIN!!!!

Clovis cartoon in the Jamaica Observer’s Chat magazine on Monday, August 17, 2009, following his world record 9.58 run in the 100M finals at the World Championships in Berlin, Germany, it shows Usain Bolt laughing as he leaves Gay and Powell in his wake (dust).

Clovis cartoon in the Jamaica Observer newspaper on Saturday, May 23, 2009, following his involvement in a car accident recently and his generally care-free attitude, IAAF boss Lamine Diack encourages Usain to be more responsible.

Bolt finishes the race and sits waiting on the rest of the field while the cameras flash.

Clovis cartoon published in the Jamaica Observer newspaper on August 23, 2008. It’s the 4x100M sprint finals at the 2008 Olympics, and Usain Bolt passes the baton to Asafa Powell who sprints down the track on the final leg to win the race for Jamaica and set a new world record. Meanwhile, Bolt has continued jogging down the track behind Asafa and still manages to beat one or two other countries to the finish line.